Grey Sky Blues

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The last few weeks I have been in a funk. I haven’t written much. I haven’t exercised much. I just haven’t done much. I haven’t even been reading as much as I usually do. This week I am on Spring Break from school and it has given me time to reflect on what is getting me down, it has been more of an “Emotional Break” if you will.

I have heard that people’s state of mind/mood can be impacted by the weather. I am not a psychologist so this is not a diagnosis, but I do think the weather has played a part in the decisions I have been making and in turn this has impacted my mood.

In February I was trying very hard to get outside when weather permitted, including in the rain, to go on long walks. This was going great until my knee started acting up. Since my knee surgery almost 12 years ago (I cannot believe it has been that long) my knee hasn’t loved the cold. It is the only time I have problems with it. My “good” knee (the one that hasn’t had surgery) is now the one that gives me the most trouble and the cold aggravates it too. So two bad knees=laaaaaaaazy Whitney. By the time my knees were feeling better the weather was a lot worse. I’m talking rain for weeks. I stopped going outside and I stopped exercising. I started getting cranky.

My classroom has played a role in this as well. The room used to be used for storage and is pretty dark. My boss is working on getting us some “natural light” light bulbs to help with the cave-like feeling, but for now we are stuck in the dark.

Then there is the disappointment I was feeling about not being able to get to Arizona for part of Spring Break. Anthony and I are trying to save up as much money as we can to get into our new house so a $500 (yes, that is how much they were) plane ticket was not in the cards. I was really hoping to get down there to visit some people and places I am missing immensely and part of me just really wanted to get some sunshine.

I love that I was able to find a position as a teacher here in Oregon and I love my kiddos but I have a huge hole in my heart where my old school fits. I miss the friends I made. I miss my students and the clear vision of the school. Working for that school was the first time I really let myself dream about career aspirations and future goals. Leaving that behind feels like a failure. I know that is silly.

I am working really hard to remember that having the opportunity to buy a house so soon after buying and reselling one in a year is a blessing. I will be so glad to get into the house and start making it ours. But the thought of actually turning a house into a home is a bit overwhelming. It is not going to happen overnight as our money will have been spent on the down payment, appliances and blinds.I know that it will feel like home to Anthony and I because we have lived many different paces together and have loved our time in  each of time (although Anthony will deny liking the motor home). It is the people in a place that makes it a home but for some reason I am feeling pressure to make it look like a home. Normally when stuff like this is on my mind I go outside. I hike and think. This has not been in the cards this season.

All of these things have got me down. I did not realize how much seeing the sun every day helped me have a sunny disposition. I have the grey sky blues. Now I need to do something about it.

Until Next Time,

I love you more than being lazy and going stir crazy,

Whitney

 

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